The Power of NO
The power of "no" has been an incredibly hard earned lesson to learn.
Way back when, when i was a young, naive graduate student at Utah State University, i eagerly took on an data science project to diagnose disease in plants. i worked nights, weekends, on the project, this on top of my teaching responsibilities and my course work.
The carrot of future pay dangled, contingent on grant funding. Three weeks before graduation, the grant came through but i was informed none of the money would come my way. The project lead coldly said it was needed for a new grad student to continue my work. I felt powerless. Defeated. Weak.
That feeling continued throughout my career and as I started 33 Sticks. Repeatedly, my time and expertise were taken advantage of under the guise of "vetting" or exploratory conversations. One data analytics company continually “picked my brain” for answers their team lacked, this went on for weeks. The moment i finally asked to formalize an agreement and get paid, they callously said they had what they needed and ended the discussion. Anger, frustration, but this time a realization. It was time to learn to say NO.
i recently faced this situation once again, this time with a prospect. Months of scoping conversations, new people inserted, pushes to lighten scope, and reduce cost in exchange for piecemeal paid hours here and there “just to answer a question or two”, an unwillingness to truly invest in the invaluable help they want from me and my team. This time, I said NO. I said it's not how we do our best work, and if they truly have most of it figured out, they don't need us. No more conversations.
Saying NO is still incredibly hard for me.
The stress and over-analysis linger in the aftermath.
Will they think i'm arrogant?
A jerk?
Will i disappoint them?
But those things are not really mine to control.
What I can control is saying YES to those who respect my value and NO to those who don't.
